The Cures For Loneliness

It all begins with the sense of worthlessness.

Not feeling important has a tremendous impact on how lonely one feels.

To change loneliness, we can start with changing the sense of worth.

Simply being around people doesn't necessarily cure our loneliness. Simply having community, friends or families around you doesn't automatically mean we have a connection with those people.

Whether having a meaningful conversation or having a meaningful connection with someone or not makes the difference between having a great time or having a terrible time in a party.

How do we get connected with people?

The answer is " Vulnerability".

If we make ourselves more vulnerable, people will feel more connected. Because if we open up, we give them permission to do the same. It's vulnerability that brings us together, that connects us in life.

Yet we don't get vulnerable enough in our day to day life. 

Why? 

Because we are afraid. We are afraid that if we bare our souls to somebody else, our weaknesses, our fear, our insecurity, or we just give them some kindness, some warm with no good reason, that they won't accept it, that they will shot us down. So we close down. We don't show that soft side of ourselves, that is the most attractive side. And when we don't show that, we don't get accepted anyway because people really don't connect with us. 

We perpetuate our own loneliness by shutting down to other people. We cannot in life wait for other people to make the first move to be vulnerable. 

We have to start. 

  

It can't be based on whether somebody is going to be vulnerable back or if I do an active kindness to someone or smile at someone I want them to do for me back. We can't base it on that, that's a transaction.

Vulnerability can't be a transaction. It has to be standard. Standard is something you do no matter what.

Don't think that because somebody doesn't reciprocate in the moment they didn't enjoy your vulnerability.

The vulnerability has a way of sticking with someone after you left their presence.

If you want to test for that, remember a time when somebody smiled at you or gave you affection and you were caught like a rabbit in a headlight you don't know how to react, and you know that you reacted more awkwardly than if you could go back and change it. You know it stuck with you even though they have a positive effect on you.

Loneliness is not a bad thing. Solitude can be a beautiful experience and one of the most important experiences in our own personal growth. After all, we can't be great in a relationship until we feel great about ourselves until we know ourselves. You can't get to know yourselves until you spend time with yourselves. Loneliness is not an evil but loneliness can lead to suffering.

Loneliness is an emotion. You can use that emotion for good, or it can lead to real pain or suffering. 

The next time your loneliness is leading to suffering. You have tools that can allow you to turn it around because you have agency over this emotion regardless your external circumstances right now. 

~ Quoted from Matthew Hussey